I returned yesterday from a whirlwind week of business travel. I bounced around from Seattle to South Bend, Indiana, came back briefly (24 hours and a chance to wear a 2’ afro for a few hours), then headed out to Québec City (north of Montreal). Because my tired brain is still trying to recover, I’m going to give you a list of my observations and experiences from the past week, organized in absolutely no way, shape, or form.
- Never change lanes while waiting at security. It is Irony’s number one job to immediately speed up the line you just stepped out of.
- Apparently, I looked crazy suspicious on Tuesday. Stop profiling me!! Fur coats aren’t historically suspicious looking, are they? I was selected for a “random search” in Québec, then selected for a “random search” in Chicago 4 hours later. Later, I was forced to perform a song and dance in an X-ray machine (while standing within surprisingly wide footprints). Seriously though, they make you form your hands into a triangle above your head, à la Jay-Z’s H.O.V.A. If the security guard wasn’t already pissed at me for stepping outside the aforementioned footprints, I would’ve yelled H to the Izzo!
- Airport food, in case you didn’t already know, is horrendous. America, we have a problem when the healthiest thing available is a bagged lettuce salad (you know, with the stringy carrots?) at Chili’s. The Québec airport, however, has a lovely French restaurant in it. One more reason I’m a Francophile.
- I apparently dropped acid in Chicago, then camera phoned it.
Oh no, wait, that’s just what happens on the walk between Terminals B and C. I thought neon tube art went out with hammer pants and one-strap overalls.
- Flu shots in the airport? Really?
- The neck pillow is a lifesaver. Yes, they are nerdy and in no way say “I am a chic traveler”; this rings especially true when you forget to remove it while trekking the 87 rows to the back of the plane to use the “bathroom”. (Of course that was me. Twice.) I see your nerd factor, but raise you 2 hours of delicious slumber. I received one as a gift last year, and I’ve never been happier (relatively speaking).
In closing: the Chevy Impala? Surprisingly nice.
I hear you on the flu shot thing. It’s worse than Safeway.
The neck pillow is especially necessary for anyone above 6′ whose head doesn’t touch the back of their seats head rest. Double up with a scarf around the neck and head and you’ve created your own fortress of solitude.